More Personal Stuff: What happened?

*sigh* This might become a very long blog, and if you're not up for it, I recommend not to read this one.
It does explain why I haven't been online much though.

The night before Queensday, friday April 29th, all was well. I just got home from work, and it was around 10 in the evening. We were looking forward to celebrating Queensday, and the new Large catalogue had just come in, so I was reading that one. The cats were having dinner, and we were relaxed and happy it was finally weekend.
Then we heard a strange sound, so we got up, to see what is was...
And then my heart was in my throat.
I'm going to describe what happened, because I need to get this off my chest. But it is quite horrible and that's why I'm going to put it into a quote. So if you don't want to read the details, just scroll past the quote.

We saw Greebo, one of our cats, panicking and trying to get up the stairs. Her behind legs seemed not to be working properly, but we didn't think much of it at the time, because we thought it was because of the panic.Sid grabbed her gently, and her mouth was working like she was choking. So we immediately thought, she was choking on her food. I stuck my finger down her throat, but couldn't really find anything. Sid even gave her mouth to mouth, because she kept making that choking movement.      It was over, so soon, so fast, I still can't believe it. Looking back on it, she might even already have been dead or halfway there when we tried to help her. I looked some stuff up, and she had all the symptoms of a heartattack. The legs not working, but also, when we got to her, her eyes were black and her tongue turned red/purple. She had also let go of all her bodily fluids. The movements, that at the time we thought was choking, were probably her, gasping for air, or maybe just spasms. It was so horrible to watch, to see her fighting for her life, and not being able to help. The image of her laying there, still haunts me, every time I close my eyes. I called the petambulance, but when I finally got them on the phone, she was already gone.

My dear Greebo, died of a heartattack. It was gruesome to watch, but it was over so incredible quick, that I can only think that she at least didn't have to suffer(long). She died in our arms within moments.
I still cant believe she's gone. I keep waiting for her to come down the stairs, to start talking to me like she always does. To give me kisses and to climb on my lap purring. But she's not going to do that anymore, because she's gone. Oh gawd, she's really gone...*sobs*
I haven't been able to come to terms with this, because I had to work all week. And I just couldn't allow myself to break down there. So now, here I am, at home, with finally some days off. And I can finally let it all go. I can barely see my keyboard through the tears, but I have to get this out. My bloodpressure has been way too high, and I've been on the verge of tears all week. I haven't been able to sleep properly, the night is way too quiet without hearing Greebo playing in the attic and hearing her meow while she was having fun with her toys. My appetite is gone, and nothing seems to be worth the energy anymore.

Some people might find this an overreaction, but they just don't understand. Greebo was my best friend, my first own pet, when I moved out of my parents house. She was always there for me, and loved me unconditionally. She was only 6 years old, never sick, never any indication at all that this would happen.My cats mean the world to me, and loosing one of them has been really really hard for us. Especially because it was so fast, without any preparation.
It just breaks my heart, thinking how she died. She must have been so scared, if she even realized what was happening, at least we were there with her.

Loki and Odin havent been theirselves either. They keep looking for Greebo, and they are extremely cuddly with us. They are finally becoming themselves again now, but we do notice, they act differently now.

And to make it all an even more emotional rollercoaster for me, 2 days later Sophie(my motherinlaws cat) delivered a nest of kittens. They were a week early, but they are all in perfect health. There were 3 kittens, a black one, a dark tabby and the strangest kitten we have ever seen: a golden kitten. My motherinlaw told us we could have one if we wanted to, considering what happened, even though all the kittens were already reserved. I didn't know how to feel about that, I didnt want to 'replace' Greebo, but kittens do give a lot of love and laughs, but I also felt guilty for taking one of the kittens from someone who was supposed to have 2. And then, the very next day, around midnight, another kitten appeared. The vet never heard of this, but as long as they were all well, it was nothing to worry about.
The golden kitty had a pink nose at birth, but after a few days, it started to turn black...just like Greebo's.
It was as if everything in the universe tried to point me to this little kitten, which was also a female(only one of the nest), like Greebo. I'm still not really sure how I feel about it, getting a new kitten so soon. But she is halfsister to Odin and Loki, she is a rare gold, where Greebo was a rare silver, and this will be the last time Sophie will have kittens.
So while I was trying to come to terms with Greebo's death, I also had to decide if we would take a new kitten into our home. It was really hard, but in the end, Sid's face with the kitten in his hands, was all it took.
Freya Greebo Goldilux, will be the new addition to our family at the end of june, she will be loved and cherished, but we will -never- forget our little Greebo.

On top of all that, last friday, my mom called to tell me their neighbour had died. I have known that man for almost 25 years. And I had always thought he would at least turn 110. He was 90 when he died, had been a widower for 14 years, and except for the last 2 months, had never been sick or needed medicine. He still lived alone in his own house, drove a car, and did everything people can only dream of at that age. He needed chemo since 2 months ago, and even that couldnt get him down, and he got home the day before queensday. Unfortunately he had an infection somewhere else and needed to get back to the hospital. He had a bleeding in his brain, which turned him blind, and still he remained positve ''At least I'll still be able to listen to music''. Unfortunately, he had another bleeding, and he died in the night of thursday to friday. I'm sad, that he died in the hopsital and not at his own home. But I'm glad that he had such a long, healthy and great life. I have never seen him anything but smiling, and I'm really glad to have known him. Even though I live far away now, I will still miss him.

So yeah, lots has happened lately, and I feel like an emotional wreck. I have a few days off now, and I'm going to use them to let it all out, and to become myself again.
I'll be back to blogging about makeup next week, I promiss.